The Gift of Intensity: How to Win at Life and Love as a Highly Sensitive and Emotionally Intense Person by Imi Lo

Author:Imi Lo [Lo, Imi]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: giftedness, psychology
Publisher: John Murray Press
Published: 2021-06-23T18:30:00+00:00

Step 4: Integrate with compassion

Research has shown that lots of trauma is transgenerational. The dysfunctional traits your parents have may come not directly from them but from the wounds they have inherited. In each parent there is, in psychoanalytic terms, an ‘introjected bad parent’. They have ‘introjected’ − absorbed and adopted – the dysfunctional attitude and behaviours of their parents. They may alternate in their behaviours in a ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ way. They are loving on some days but, in times of stress, their ‘introjected bad parents’ come out and catch you off guard with rage, coldness and cruelty. A part of your releasing process is learning how to see both the ‘good parent’ and the ‘bad parent’ in them. By doing so, you mature into seeing the complexity of humanity: no one, including yourself, is one-dimensional. Even your parents can be a source of both nourishment and disappointment, love and cruelty. Grappling paradoxes would have been impossible to understand with the mental capacity of a child, but it is something you can do now. If you see them not from the perspective of a hurting child but from an understanding adult, you may see how deprived and wounded your parents are, and how helpless they are in the face of their conditioning. They, too, have been traumatized by their parents’ neglect, abuse or attacks.

For a moment, reflect on their lives. This exercise could be supplemented with pictures of your parents when they were younger, if you have access to old photographs.

What did they dream of and aspire to be when they were young?

How has the cruelty and harshness of humanity disappointed them?

What has taken away their innocence and trust?

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